Where were you for so long?
Why weren’t you here
With me
I have been so disturbed
Hurt and depressed
I needed you so bad
Needed you to hold my hand
Hold my face
Look in my eyes
Kiss my forehead
Move your fingers in my hair
I needed your shoulder
To drop my head on
Bury my face between your breasts
Yes, I know
In reality
This is imagination
But you could at least let me know…
That you are there
I don’t know why I am in an auto rickshaw. I don’t know where the rickshaw is headed to. I don’t remember taking it. I don’t remember instructing it. So, I don’t know where I might be going. I don’t know why there’s an unknown small boy seated on my left. I am not surprised by anything; by bad road, the journey, even by the strange boy. I don’t seem to look forward to reaching where ever rickshaw was headed to.
Road isn’t good at
all. It seems under construction; road and everything else around. We are moving in a
narrow part of the road on left. Pavement is full of large broken pieces of a huge wall or of something else. But they are all concrete. Who dropped them there?
How did they arrive here? Middle of the road, other side of the road, every place seemingly piled up the in same way. Have those boulder like things come from some place being
renovated or it will be used as filling under the new road or… I did not find
myself interested. I refused to think about it.
After moving for an
unspecified, un-noticed amount of time and without any interaction with the quiet child, the vehicle
started slowing down. Then slowly it started drifting towards the left of the road. It was
about to touch the pavement, and that was not comfy. I took charge by extending my arm
to turn the handle of rickshaw to stay on course. I thought driver may not be
feeling to well. No, I did not think that. I did not think anything. But in a
few seconds it stopped. Engine also died soon. ‘Thank god’! Hmm… who said that! Perhaps I did.
Without a word the
driver leaned mildly, then heavily towards his left. I tapped the boy, who got
off and then I too. Driver had no expression on his face, no pain, no why or…
just a large bundle of blankness. I looked around. May be for a doctor
initially, then for anything moving; like a police-van, a construction worker or someone who also wasn’t supposed to be there, here I mean; like me and maybe like the boy.
Well the only thought I
got was, that ‘the driver who wasn’t supposed to be here, is not here anymore.’
Moment I met you
I felt there was a possibility
Of heat, fire and rain
Rum helped our eyes lock for longer than they should do
We didn’t have much time
We knew that
We quickly gulped three drinks down
Automatically everyone got up
And scattered on the pavement,
But tried to walk straight all over the pavement
We too walked out
Some how stayed stuck to each other
I was high and had no idea
Where it could lead to
You too had no idea
If it was going they way
It needs to
Hands touched, fingers entangled
My watch and her bangles
We found ourselves sitting together at dinner
People knew we didn’t belong to each other
But no one was bothered
Now that you are here...
Things are looking up a bit
Seeming
brighter a bit
Perhaps you
have added
Days to my
ending game
Fuel to my
dying flame
Flame that was about to be
Covered by sheets of darkness
Overwhelmed by raging storms,
Or blown off by stress
But now the lamp has regained strength
To quell the darkness’ reign
And beam with happiness
To spread the light again
Now that you are back here
Life of my lamp is revamped
It's such a wonderful world
So unbelievably magical and colorful
There is this hot big ball of fire and
light
That rises up cool orange in the
morning
And sets down as deep orange in the
evening
It is white, bright and warm in the
day
But we have dark nights at end of day
Heat and cold both have its share
With the presence and absence of sun’s
glare
So wonderfully they share…
Plants too welcome and like the sun
Each day they are happy to see him
Their leaves and flowers smile at him
Throughout the day
Appreciating and thanking the sun
For what they get from his light
What a wonderful site…
Birds live on the trees and shrubs
Different shapes, sizes and colors
Each bird has its own song
Birds sing because they have a song
Hundreds of them make a symphony
And for them it is never one too many
Their religion is singing
So wonderful hear that
When one drops out other comes up
So symphony does not stop
No one can find earth's end
It is like a huge round orange
We could run around it
Without falling off the edge
Outside it is cold, crusty and
welcoming
But inside red hot, molten and forbidding
Earth rotates and revolves
It also behaves like an unstable drunk
So wonderful to know that she is
having fun
Then we have seas and oceans
Faces of which may be violent
But inside is spiritual and nonviolent
Depths of seas have a lot more life
Living undisturbed, quietly
With peace and zero anxiety
There is also a barter going on
Between the sun, oceans
Planes and mountains
They all barter in forms of water
The sea cleans the atmosphere
And also regulates the temperature
For us, earthlings
What a wonderful understanding…
It was end of 1971. I was still at the Film Institute doing my final year of sound recording course. One fine evening some of my friends sai...
